Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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