I want to stick my p in your. b.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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