the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
