god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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