Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize