Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
