Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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