your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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