we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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