Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
