New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
