I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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