hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
