first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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