chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
