Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
