Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
