Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
