no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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