who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
