So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
