well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
