i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
