Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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