I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
