if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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