Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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