man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
