Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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