stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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