the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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