i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
