i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
