Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
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He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
do nipples grow back?
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