I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
