Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So vagazzling was a success
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
