i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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