Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize