her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
