You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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