If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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