i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
