i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
