that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Small penises have feelings too.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
