That's when you crack a 10am beer
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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