his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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