Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
