i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
