Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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