Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
