My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
