The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
