Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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