just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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