we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
