I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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