Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
