I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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