Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM