I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week