Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much