Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him