He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.