you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
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Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name