And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
